The Paradox of Insomnia: Why Trying Less Might Help You Sleep More

If you’ve ever found yourself wide awake at 3 AM, staring at the ceiling and thinking, ‘I need to fall asleep RIGHT NOW,’ you’re not alone. For millions of Americans struggling with insomnia and sleep anxiety, the harder they try to force sleep, the more elusive it becomes. This frustrating cycle has a name: paradoxical insomnia. And breaking free from it might require the opposite of what you’ve been taught.

When Traditional Sleep Advice Backfires

For years, we’ve been bombarded with standard sleep hygiene recommendations: strict bedtimes, no screens before bed, cool dark rooms, and elaborate bedtime rituals. While these guidelines help many people, they can create additional pressure for those already anxious about sleep.

‘I did everything right,’ shares Maria, a former insomnia sufferer. ‘I had the perfect bedroom temperature, blackout curtains, a technology ban after 8 PM, and yet I’d lie awake feeling increasingly panicked as the hours ticked by. The more I followed the ‘rules,’ the worse my sleep became.’

This experience highlights a crucial insight that sleep specialists at Klarity Health often share with patients: for some people with insomnia, particularly those with anxiety, traditional approaches can worsen the problem by creating what we call the ‘sleep anxiety cycle.’

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Understanding the Sleep Anxiety Cycle

The relationship between anxiety and insomnia isn’t just correlation—it’s a self-perpetuating cycle:

1. Sleep performance anxiety: Fear of not sleeping well creates physiological arousal
2. Hypervigilance: Monitoring for sleep cues keeps the mind active
3. Frustration builds: As time passes, anxiety intensifies
4. Physiological activation: The body enters fight-or-flight mode, making sleep biologically difficult
5. Confirmation of fears: Poor sleep reinforces anxiety about the next night

Dr. Rachel Newman, a sleep specialist at Klarity Health, explains: ‘When we become preoccupied with sleep, we activate the sympathetic nervous system—our body’s alerting system. This is precisely the opposite of what we need for sleep, which requires parasympathetic activation and feeling safe enough to become unconscious.’

The Counterintuitive Approach: Acceptance and Letting Go

Acceptance Therapy for Insomnia

Acceptance-based approaches to insomnia, including elements of ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) and mindfulness, have shown promising results for anxiety-driven sleep problems.

‘The moment I gave myself permission to be awake—to stop fighting insomnia—was when my sleep began to improve,’ says James, who struggled with chronic insomnia for over a decade before finding relief through acceptance therapy.

The core principle is paradoxical: by accepting the possibility of not sleeping well, you reduce the pressure that may be preventing sleep in the first place.

Releasing Control Over Sleep

One of the most powerful interventions for sleep anxiety is letting go of control. This means:

• Acknowledging that you cannot force sleep (it’s an involuntary process)
• Recognizing that a few nights of poor sleep won’t harm your long-term health
• Shifting focus from ‘getting enough sleep’ to simply resting your body

At Klarity Health, providers often help patients reframe their relationship with sleep through techniques that reduce the struggle rather than adding more sleep rules.

Body-First Approaches to Sleep

Instead of targeting sleep directly, focus on these body relaxation techniques that support your nervous system:

1. Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Systematically tense and release muscle groups throughout your body, starting from your toes and working upward. This sends signals of safety to your brain and reduces physical tension that can keep you alert.

2. Diaphragmatic Breathing

Practice slow, deep breathing into your diaphragm (belly breathing) for 5-10 minutes. This activates the parasympathetic nervous system, counteracting the fight-or-flight response triggered by sleep anxiety.

3. Body Scanning

Lie comfortably and mentally scan your body from head to toe, noticing sensations without judgment. This mindfulness practice helps break the cycle of sleep-related thoughts and brings awareness back to the present moment.

Practical Steps for Implementing the ‘Try Less’ Approach

Maintain a Consistent Wake Time (Not Bedtime)

Surprisingly, research shows that a consistent morning wake time builds natural sleep pressure more effectively than a strict bedtime. This strengthens your circadian rhythm while removing the pressure of ‘having to fall asleep’ at a specific time.

Eliminate Caffeine (One Rule That Actually Helps)

While most rigid sleep rules may increase anxiety, eliminating caffeine—even morning coffee—has shown significant benefits for anxiety-prone insomnia sufferers. Caffeine has a half-life of 5-6 hours but can affect sensitive individuals for up to 12 hours.

Consider Working With a Sleep Coach

A qualified sleep coach can provide personalized guidance for your specific sleep challenges. Unlike one-size-fits-all advice, sleep coaches at Klarity Health work with you to develop strategies that address both the physical and psychological aspects of insomnia.

Breaking Free from Overthinking Sleep

Overthinking sleep is perhaps the most common barrier to restful nights for those with anxiety-related insomnia. Try these mental shifts:

• Replace ‘I must sleep now’ with ‘I’m simply resting my body’
• When sleep-related worries arise, acknowledge them without engagement
• Practice ‘opposite action’—if you’re trying to force sleep, deliberately stay awake instead (paradoxically, this often leads to natural drowsiness)

When to Seek Professional Help

While acceptance-based approaches help many people break free from the sleep anxiety cycle, persistent insomnia may require professional support. Klarity Health connects patients with providers who understand the complex relationship between anxiety and sleep disorders and offer both medication options and therapeutic approaches with convenient virtual appointments.

Consistent insomnia that impacts your daytime functioning, particularly when accompanied by anxiety or mood changes, deserves attention from healthcare providers who can help determine whether your sleep difficulties stem from anxiety, a primary sleep disorder, or other factors.

The Permission to Rest, Not Sleep

Perhaps the most powerful shift is moving from ‘I need to sleep’ to ‘I’m allowed to simply rest.’ This subtle but profound change removes the performance aspect of sleep and acknowledges that quiet rest, even without sleep, provides benefits.

By focusing less on controlling sleep and more on creating conditions where sleep can naturally emerge, many former insomnia sufferers find their way back to restful nights—not by trying harder, but by finally letting go.

If you’re struggling with insomnia and anxiety, remember that sometimes the path to better sleep isn’t about adding more rules or trying harder—it’s about finding the courage to try less and trust your body’s natural ability to sleep when the conditions are right.